Get Woke, Go Medium!

There is a theme running through the stories, but I just can’t put my finger on it…

THIS IS A PARODY, DON’T REPORT ME TO THE COMMITTEE OR BIG NON-CIS NON-BROTHER OR WHOEVER, ‘KAY?

YOU’VE NEVER DONE A RACIST THING IN YOUR LIFE…WHICH PROVES YOU’RE A RACIST

WHITENESS KILLED THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES REBOOT; “BLACK GOLD” CAUSED CONFUSION IN POTENTIAL CRACKER AUDIENCE

COMPASSIONATE NEVER TRUMPERS RELIEVED TRUMP’S RALLY WAS A FLOP; ‘I WAS SO WORRIED THAT THOSE RACIST HOMOPHOBES MIGHT GET SICK!’ WEEPS BILL KRISTOL

STUDY: TOPPLING STATUES CURES LIBERALS’ ABILITY TO ARGUE THAT CONSERVATIVES HATE ART

DOMINO’S PIZZA ORDERS SKYROCKET; ‘WE DON’T LIKE IT, BUT ANYTHING TO MAKE RICK WILSON SQUEAL’ CUSTOMERS SAY

YOUR BLACK NEIGHBOR DOESN’T THINK YOU’RE A RACIST, HE JUST THINKS YOU NEVER SHUTTING UP ABOUT BRADY BEING ‘THE GOAT’ MAKES YOU ‘A TOOL’

MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS SAY IT’S OKAY TO GATHER IN LARGE GROUPS AGAIN, ‘UNLESS IT’S A TRUMP RALLY, BECAUSE SCIENCE CAN’T BE QUESTIONED, DENIER’

TRUMP’S RACIST DOG WHISTLES THAT ONLY DEMOCRATS CAN HEAR

‘WHITE WOMEN’S RACISM SCARES ME,’ SAYS WHITE WOMAN WITH NO BLACK FRIENDS

‘LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT!” SHOUT ANGRY CHOP RESIDENTS AS THEY BUILD BORDER WALL

DEMOCRATS ANGRY TRUMP WOULDN’T ROLL THE TANKS; ‘ALL WE GOT WAS SOME CRYING PROTESTERS, NOT EVEN ANY DEATHS!’ SAYS PELOSI

Serious Note: I began this with the idea of writing one parody headline for every serious article in my feed, but I ran out of steam before I ran out of stories.

We sure do have a lot of experts on race all of a sudden.